And no, I’m not even exaggerating. I’ve read a lot of parenting books and this one knocks the rest out of the park. Not that the others are bad – I have included some other excellent titles here in this article – but this one spoke to me like nothing else. It gave me some hard truths about myself and then the exact tools I needed to make real changes in my parenting.
Okay, so what is this parenting book?
How to Stop Losing your Sh*t with your Kids, by Dr. Carla Naumburg, PhD (2019)
Thank you, thank you, thank you Dr Carla for bringing this book into the world. Honestly, I have read so many books about parenthood, from the baby stage, toddler, preschool and early childhood (I’m not quite ready for the teenage years yet but I’m sure teen parenting books are part of my future). What is different about How to Stop Losing your Sh*t with your Kids?
It felt to me like it was the first book that didn’t talk about how to change what your kids are doing wrong or techniques for managing kids’ behaviour. Instead, it is so much more about how to take care of yourself so you can face whatever the day brings. This involves a brutally honest self-inventory to recognise your triggers and how to manage them. However, Dr Carla shares this in the kindest, most compassionate, and forgiving way. T
This might sound very simplistic and obvious – I’m sure we all know about self-care, not being able to pour from an empty cup, put your own oxygen mask on first etc. However, I think it is the combination of Dr Carla sharing her own parenting struggles so honestly and authentically, combined with her education and knowledge, that demonstrated the tangible effectiveness of pulling out all the stops to give yourself the highest possible odds for doing your best parenting.
Whenever advice is about trying to change a situation (as is the case with many parenting books), it has a limited capacity to work. But when you are unapologetically doing everything you can to take care of yourself, your ability to cope with life is massively improved. Truthfully, at the end of the day, we have the kids we are given. Even with the most consistent parenting and firm boundaries, some kids will be defiant, emotional, argumentative, and demanding. We can’t change them despite the best intentions. It is far more useful to accept this truth and create an environment where you can feel your strongest and calmest to be the parent you desire to be. This approach can be universally applied to life in general.
Anyway, don’t take my word for it that this is the absolute best parenting book ever. Read How to Stop Losing your Sh*t with your Kids and see what you think. My disclaimer is that you may have children who are more agreeable and do respond well to parenting techniques focused on their behaviour. In that case, of course, follow the parenting path that works for you! My personal perspective comes from a desire to follow respectful parenting but with children who are…ahem…“strong willed” and push you to the edge of your sanity. For a long time, I tried to parent respectfully but felt resentful that my children continually pushed back, leading to exhausting battles over behaviour. This book gave me permission to take care of myself, which has given me much more of the elusive patience I need to be the parent I want to be. If this resonates with you, give it a go. If not, then of course follow your path.
In case you are interested in other stellar parenting books (IMHO), these are some other favourites:
Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting by Dr. Laura Markham (2012)
In a similar style to Carla Naumburg, Laura Markham’s Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids shifts the focus to what we can change as parents, rather than trying to ‘fix’ our kids. Her calm, non-judgemental tone is so reassuring and following her guidance brought real authentic change in me. Her advice is more practical with many relatable examples that are genuinely helpful. Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids is especially good for parents who might be a bit shouty and don’t want to be (I am in this category).
I am currently reading this one by Dr Markham after finding her first book so helpful. She as an excellent perspective on recognising the benefits of sibling rivalry and how to embrace these to teach kids conflict resolution. I appreciate that Dr Markham offers ideas of the language to use with kids so I don’t fall back into old patterns that don’t work. I’m looking forward to putting this into action immediately!
No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame by Janet Lansbury (2014)
Contrary to what I just said about not finding parenting advice helpful, this book is filled with parenting advice that is incredibly helpful! No Bad Kids focuses on parenting toddlers so if you have young children, this book is a lifesaver. Lansbury gives parents the words to use that will genuinely diffuse tantrums or to let them play out without the anxiety they can bring. Knowing what to say and learning these excellent tools lead me to feel confident in any situation I landed in with my toddlers. Janet Lansbury is well known in some parenting circles and she has a useful website and great podcast Unruffled where she answers parent questions about specific behaviours. Highly recommend!
As we all know, parenting looks different for everybody and there are hundreds of thousands of books all telling us how to do it. There is certainly not just one right way to raise children as we all bring our unique families, personalities and circumstances to our parenting style. If any of these books sound like they might fit with your style, I hope they make your parenting journey a little easier. If you have read How to Stop Losing your Sh*t with your Kids, do you think it is one of the best parenting books ever?